I am that guy... ... that fell in love with you, you and you.

I am the guy whom you approached in a bookstore and totally surprised by talking to him. I am the guy who talked to you on the phone every single night for more than six months, listening to you wax lyrical about dreams and studies and parents and me. I am the guy who asked to be your boyfriend. I am the guy you rejected, only to be accepted when you leave for overseas. I was the guy that thought we could make something out of it but was taught otherwise.

I am that guy whose heart you broke.

I am the guy for whom you left your boyfriend and best friend for. I am the guy you loved over a thousand kilometers. I am the guy that gave you a ring on top of the Empire State Building. I am the guy that gave you a stuffed wolf to keep you company when you return to your home, and bought a corresponding wolf for to keep me company. I am the guy you never saw in the flesh for more than six months during a one and half year relationship, begging the question why do you need such a boyfriend. I am the guy that you cried over in the dark, missing, and pining, alone in your room. I am the guy that sees all these, even when you think I didn't, being so far away, feeling pangs of regret and hurt for bringing these upon you. I am the guy whom you shyly kissed as you enter the room after the previous night's fateful talk over the phone, and shyly kissed back because its his first time. I am also the guy who cried at the reservoir the day you said you were tired of it all, the distance and not being there for you even when I visited every holidays. I am the guy who held hope in his heart, till you killed that hope. I am the guy who doesn't know what to feel about you any longer.

I am that guy whose heart you shattered.

I am the guy who was a senior, a leader, then a friend. I am the guy that accompanied you studying into the wee hours of the night, till I couldn't stand it any longer and dozed off, leaving you to try waking me up, only to fail, and in exasperation, leave me alone. I am the guy that saw you cried and hug you whenever it happens. I am the guy you talked to as we lied beside each other in the dark, sharing secrets and gossips, pretending the events of the previous day never happened. I am the guy who saw you waiting for his call every single night, or call him if he doesn't. I am the guy that saw that smile everytime it happens, and felt something which I didn't know the nature of then. I am the guy that saw how he priorities other things ahead of you, and felt anger even when you didn't. I am the guy for whose birthday you bought and decorated a book for. I am the guy who carried you into the room when you collapsed with a high fever, and stayed up all night to cool you down even when you implored me to go rest. I am the guy that on another night, heard you gasping for breath, and stayed up all night supporting you so you could breath. I am the guy that saw you in pain and brought you to the hospital even when you didn't want to because you were scared. I am the guy you didn't see waiting outside the x-ray room in fear, wondering what's wrong with you, sick with worry and unable to get a hold of myself. I am the guy who was overcome with helplessness after you came out of the room, smiling bravely, trying not to make us worry, despite the pain. I am the guy that realised I was in love with you then, even when I knew it was him you loved, not me. I am the guy that dreamed of being the man you deserved, but knew it was only a dream after all, and never expects anything more than what we already have. I am the guy that still harbours a soft spot for you. I am the guy who just wants to remain your friend, but now that you know my feelings, can we?

I am just a guy, like so many guys and girls out there. Which of them are you?  ¶ 3:24:00 am