More insufferableness
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sleeping cat
Timor Leste
http://www.flickr.com/photos/daggerrr/

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What is worst than being an insufferable prick?

Being an insufferable prick who continues to mope around, knows that he's just being a prick but lacking the courage/strength/will to move on and carry on with life.

Why can't I let go? Is it really prudent to continue hoping like this indefinitely? Seeing you with him today was disturbing. I know it. It's familiar, the green eye monster. But then, what right do I have to be jealous?

Move on. Or get an answer and be done with it once and for all. Put an end to this.

Just as soon as I summon the courage.

Prick
  ¶ 1:24:00 am 0 comments

  She's pissed and I don't blame her. I deserves what she has to dish out onto me. But you? Why are you piss? Because I pushed you to come out? Is that it?! Is it so hard for you to just meet up for a while?!  ¶ 8:48:00 pm 0 comments

  Ever get one of those moments where you feel like general piece of excretment and thinking that you were no better than the scum of the earth?

Today's one of those days.  ¶ 2:05:00 pm 0 comments

  After some time...... Well, now that the annual depression is over, I have to start facing life as a quarter centenarian. Crossed the magic marker last Thursday, a week which itself was only remarkable in that the project report after compilation was as atrocious as only a few others I have encountered before in my entire school life. Convoluted sentence structure that goes nowhere, repetitions of terms, inconsistent syntax, illogical arguments that sounded nothing like how we thrashed it out on the previous Sunday, it was certainly enough to drive the rest of us nuts as we reading it that cold Wednesday morning. The three of us just looked at each other and came to the common understanding that can only be arrived by people being buffeted by the same forces of sub-continental pride and hubris can bring to bear. It was only made worst by the sheer complexity of the area of debt financing that he was supposed to elucidate upon and needless to say, failed.

It was not the best way to end that working relationship. Admitably, I have been less than civil in my behaviour at best and I take that as a sign of my increasing degeneration as a human being. There was a slight sense of righteousness as the professor commented on his presentation style but then again, is that the right way to feel?

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Bible studies the last few weeks has been interesting to say the list. While I can't say that the process is answering the questions that I have and need answer, it has been a learning experience in what I've learnt from the Bible itself. She says that I need to pray, and the caveat, open my heart. But letting go of years of indoctrination to believe is hard. For that matter, I still haven't answer the question of why. The last year has been tough in the kind of challenges that I've had to face, with borderline depression almost a constant in my life now. The last few months has especially been excruciating, where it is almost impossible to enjoy anything since I left Nepal.

If religion's the answer, then how do I start getting peace? And if it's not, then what is?  ¶ 11:13:00 pm 0 comments

  1000 words

I know that your hiding things
Using gentle words to shelter me
Your words were like a dream
But dreams could never fool me
Not that easily

I acted so distant then
Didn't say goodbye before you left
But I was listening
You fight your battles far from me
Far too easily

"Save your tears cause I'll come back"
I could hear that you whispered as you walked through that door
But still I swore
To hide the pain, when I turn back the pages
Shouting might have been the answer
What if I cried my eyes out and begged you not to depart
But now I'm not afraid to say what's in my heart

Though a thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll fly to you
Crossing over the time
And distance holding you, suspended on silver wings
And a thousand words
One thousand confessions
Will cradle you
Making all of the pain you feel seem far away
They'll hold you forever

The dream isn't over yet
Though I often say I can't forget
I still relive that day
You've been there with me all the way
I still hear you say

"Wait for me, I'll write you letters"
I could see how you stand with your eyes to the floor
But still I swore
To hide the doubt when I turn back the pages
Anger might have been the answer
What if I'd hung my head and said that I couldn't wait
But now I'm strong enough to know it's not too late

Cause a thousand words
Call out through the ages
They'll fly to you
Even though we can't see
I know they are reaching you, suspended on silver wings
Oh a thousand words
One thousand embraces
Will cradle you
Making all of your weary days seem far away
They'll hold you forever

Oh a thousand words (a thousand words)
Have never been spoken (ohh yeah)
They'll fly to you
They'll carry you home, (carry you home) and into my arms
Suspended on silver wings (on silver wings!)
And a thousand words (ohh)
Call out through the ages (call through the ages!)
They'll cradle you (ohh yeah)
Make all of the lonely years to lonely days (lonely days)
They'll hold you forever.

  ¶ 9:39:00 pm 0 comments

  Rent http://rentsoundtrack.net/

It actually looks good...  ¶ 2:00:00 am 0 comments